I
miss
you.
Dear Lord,

all i really need right now, is a prayer for strength. I am scared and yet, i am risking the one and only person ive ever loved so much. Sometimes, i just want to be alone and then i can ask myself, how will i be able to get a hold on this relationship. How will i be able to let him be single, and yet attached? He is right. There is always a pang of uneasiness when either one of us mix with persons (or person) of a different gender. That's why i need the strength Lord. I need assurance because i hate this feeling. I hate that feeling i get when he's spending his time with someone else but not me. I dont want to be selfish because I hate being selfish. I already wished right from the start that we'd give each other ample space, but here i am feeling shitty coz i am reluctant to give him that space.

Teach me how to deal with this.

So many events have taken place that has caused us to fall apart. Many times ive blamed myself. I know thered be a day when the volcano erupts and itll no longer be reconcilliable. I dread that day Lord..

I felt his hand while i was asleep today. They seemed to want to fill the gap thats in between my fingers. Now i wished i had held onto them tightly. At least he'd still know that i love him - too much. That was such a moment to treasure and yet, my broken heart let that go.

I understand that every relationship will have its flaws but.. I dont wanna hurt. My other half is telling me that i should appreciate all that hes done for me. There's too much. That i shouldnt cook up a storm just because he feels uneasy. I know whatever that ive done will never cover what hes done for me. So teach me how to love him like how i should. Teach my brain to tell my soul that i shouldnt take him forgranted. Remind me that i really love him, that i really want us to go more than a long long way.

Why do i always cry when im sad? Can you please take my tears away? Love is a beautiful thing because you created it, but i abused it. I need you more than ever Lord. Please teach me how to love the way you love your children. Because i know i really need it now.

Amen.



I am silly.
I am stupid.
I am unreasonable
I am a stupid PIG.
I am full of trouble.
I am very bad news.
Bad news.

So.
DONT LOVE ME.
Youre BEAUTIFUL..
Why are you even here with me? You have been giving me even more than anyone would give. You have showed so much love to me, so much more than anyone else have, ever. You have never let me down, not once, and never have you complained at all. You never mentioned how disgusting it was to pack my room, or to even clear my trash. Who are you, and how did you get here?

How did you managed to make me feel so loved? Of all the 263 days with you, ive never felt this comfortable with anyone else before. When you say 'I love you', i believe you without a doubt because i know that you really do love, and i trust you completely. Honey, YOU are the one..

I dread the day when we'd both die and rot away. The thought of having you away from me saddens me and my heart aches. If that day ever comes, i swear that my heart will forever be empty but yours will always be in my hands. You've made me addicted to you honey, so my heart will forever be yours. I love you, and although these words are gold, they are not as simple as they sound. There's so much behind these 3 words, so much to elaborate and specify. You can never measure and estimate how great my 'i love you's are to you. I wonder if any scientist could do a complete research, or if a mathematician could ever count love even.

Love is the ultimate feeling. It shows you the meaning to life. All that youve ever hoped for, Love makes it all worth hoping for. Honey, you gave me faith to believe again. You showed me something different and unique. You are definitely BEAUTIFUL.

So BEAUTIFUL.
That i love you so much.
:D
Dear God,

thank You fer showing me so much in this life. You proved to me that i could excel if i studied hard in sec 3. You gave me that talent and the gift to play the drums despite me being a girl, and best of all, you showed me how powerful love can be. You found me someone who truly loved me unconditionally, who didnt care about himself but more for me. I pray that You'd teach me how to love him back, just like how he loves me. You let our paths cross and somehow, my love for him turns into something im afraid to let go.

I thank You that he's come to know You. I know that it isnt entirely because of me that he wants to take this step. Let this be a journey and learning experience for him and i pray that You'd be with him always. It wouldnt be easy i know, just like what my dad went through. But You said in the bible that all Christians will inevitably be prosecuted one day.

You know i love Trav. So i pray for our relationship. I thank you for such a great and smooth sailing 8 months with him. I know that You have given him to me and i know he's the one that You'd want me to marry in the future. Im 19, and although some ppl say im still young, i dont think i am.. Sooner or later, i'll have to get married and have kids. I pray that our relationship will be a healthy one and that our love will continue growing. Misunderstandings will be settled easily and especially for me Lord, that you'd make mme a better girlfriend.

I know im not the most perfect girlfriend. I know i do and say things that never make sense to him, but it's how i feel. I know that sometimes im unreasonable and selfish, but i pray that You'd make it all go away. I pray that we'd learn to settle our disagreements properly and still afford a kiss or two at the end. I want to be a better girlfriend Lord. I dont want to blame myself for every misunderstanding that happens. I do not want to hurt him..

I am not liked by anyone's parents. I think im their girlfriend from hell. Who would want their son to be dating a rocker who dresses weirdly, or who has black eyes lik a panda bear? For me, it hurts because right from the start, i wish Trav's parents would accept me for who i am. I wish they'd see how much we both love each other and not judge. I pray that You'd take away that feeling. The feeling of not being able to get along with his parents. When will they understand?

But Lord, thank You for making Trav so BEAUTIFUL.

Amen.

I
miss
you.